I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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