so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize