Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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