Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
