i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Alive.
So much puke
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
