I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
