dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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