last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we're making bets on your personal life
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So many bounce houses so little time
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
