You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
