you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
