so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize