Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
