is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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