Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
