someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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