Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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