Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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