Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
