New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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