Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
