The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
