Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
