He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
