we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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