I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
