The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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