After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
