you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
