I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
