Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
