im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
