this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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