clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
