I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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