I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
