Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize