Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Less talking, more tequila
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
