i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
