Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
