That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
