That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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