I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
