I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
