fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
