I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
