I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
