I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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