this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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