I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
