I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
