CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
