Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
