just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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