I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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