The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
