Even water is tasting like jack daniels
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
