I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
