he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
