it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
