let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
