my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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