You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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