you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
