OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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