so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
