Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
