somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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