I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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