I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
