We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
