I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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