My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
