then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
