she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
