Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
